The Real Struggles of Motherhood: Why We Need to Be Honest About Our Feelings

“Running a household, maintaining a relationship, raising two kids, and working full-time has drained me, leaving me with a sense of failure.” Does this sound familiar?

I should have been in a good mood. On a sunny winter afternoon, I was curled up on a couch surrounded by energetic women and their children, sipping endless cups of coffee at our monthly podcast club meeting—a perfect snapshot of maternity leave. Yet, when someone asked how I was doing as we were leaving, tears streamed down my face.

“I’m so bored,” I admitted.

After my son was born, I didn’t expect to feel bored. Anger, loneliness, jealousy, or shock didn’t come either. Instead, everything felt unfamiliar. My days seemed to stretch on in monotony, endlessly scrolling through Instagram.

I felt disconnected from others and full of resentment. My personality had become one of: “You’re being too negative right now.” My body ached, oozing fluids, none of which felt like mine.

All of this came with a massive wave of guilt. Why wasn’t I enjoying this more? This was what I had hoped for—what so many women desire but can’t have. I had so many privileges—economic, racial, and otherwise—a healthy, thriving child. And yet, why couldn’t I be happy?

Why Motherhood Feels So Lonely

Despite my efforts, many of these feelings didn’t go away. Four years later, after having another child, they were still there. The energy required to manage the household, maintain my relationship, raise two children, and work full-time often left me exhausted, with that constant sense of failure lurking. I often felt like I was failing at friendships, not achieving at work, and not being the woman I thought I would be. I couldn’t enjoy motherhood the way others seemed to, and it left me feeling ashamed.

I gradually came to realize I wasn’t the only one feeling this way, but I rarely spoke about it out loud.

Pre-birth classes don’t prepare you for the realities of motherhood. They focus too much on diaper changing, swaddling, and temperature taking—things that Google can teach anyone instantly. Friends don’t want to spoil the excitement of announcing a pregnancy, or they’re worried that their less-than-sunny feelings will go unspoken, so honest expressions of doubt often get sidelined.

Most importantly, I think they fear speaking out because of the labels they may face—“bad mom,” “angry mom,” or “ungrateful mom.” They fear being asked, “If this isn’t what you wanted, then why did you have kids?”

The Struggles of Motherhood Are Real—and Common

In recent years, the conversation around motherhood has started to shift. Oprah’s recent special focused on the mental burden of motherhood. The film Night Owls explored the profound impact of motherhood on personal identity, becoming one of the most talked-about films at the Toronto International Film Festival.

Donna Kelsey, the mother of NFL players Travis and Jason, admitted that being a mom might be the hardest thing she’s ever done. Even Rihanna, who’s redefined pregnancy fashion, acknowledged that after having her child, she “felt” like she no longer recognized herself.

Perhaps most significantly, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy recently released an advisory on the mental health and well-being of parents, declaring that the pressure parents face is a “serious public health issue.” He pointed out the overwhelming feelings many parents experience daily, stemming from both old stressors (money, safety, exhaustion) and new ones (screens, rising culture of comparison, lack of a “village”). Murthy also emphasized the need for extra support for parents who are marginalized due to race, ethnicity, or socioeconomic status.

While these recommendations could lead to policy changes, I hope they also change the conversation, encouraging parents to talk openly about their true feelings and inspiring others to offer support to struggling parents rather than dismissing their complaints as just part of the parenting experience.

“One day, you’ll look back and miss these days!” is not helpful when you’re in the thick of it.

One of Murthy’s suggestions is to create more space for parents to openly discuss the pressures they face, reducing the shame and guilt so many of us experience. I can personally tell you that his advice is indeed helpful.

I recently produced and hosted a digital series for The Social called “Mom Life Crisis,” where a group of Canadian women openly discussed the challenges of modern motherhood—challenges that are often invisible to others. (Imagine a group therapy session for moms without the therapist—just lots of cameras!)

We talked about the impact of motherhood on our careers, identities, relationships, and bodies. We openly discussed our anger, pain, burnout, and the swinging pendulum of love and frustration towards our children.

The series contained humor, but also pain. Yet more than anything, it was the honesty that was refreshing, making me feel less alone.

Speak Up: Motherhood Is Hard

A few months ago, I had a particularly challenging morning at home. Exhausted, in a rush, I yelled at my two kids in a way I’m not proud of, then walked out the door, already thinking about what I could do that evening to make up for it.

On the train to work, I struck up a conversation with a woman I didn’t know. She confessed that having children was the hardest thing she’d ever done—and that she was reluctant to admit it.

It was a brief exchange, but it was significant. It reminded me that, despite what social media and well-meaning friends and family might tell us about how wonderful this time can be (and of course, it can be), it’s also incredibly tough. If we could all be more real in our conversations and share our stories, we’d likely all be better off—and the next generation of mothers would feel empowered to follow suit.

Conclusion

Motherhood is often portrayed as an ideal, a beautiful journey filled with joy and growth. But for many, it’s a struggle that includes moments of loneliness, frustration, guilt, and overwhelming exhaustion. By speaking honestly about these feelings, we can break down the stigma and offer support to those who need it most. Only by acknowledging the challenges of motherhood can we create a more open, supportive environment for all parents.