Check Your Kid's Backpack—Trust Me

I recently did something I hadn’t done in a long time: I went through my kid’s backpack. I mean, I really went through it. Every day when he comes home, he takes out his lunch bag and water bottle, tosses them into the sink, and I usually don’t dig around inside. But the other day, I sneaked a peek, and once I started digging, I couldn’t stop. Parents, what I found was nothing short of a horror story.

Quick disclaimer: I’m a clean freak. My house is spotless and organized. I’m a bit particular about it (my family can vouch for that), so this isn’t just neglect. Cleaning out my 11-year-old son’s backpack has become his job. There’s only so much a mom can do, and only so much time she has—I’ll do a full clean-out at the end of the school year, but I won’t hold his hand and teach my highly capable pre-teen how to take responsibility, like cleaning out his own backpack.

Searching for Special Treasures

Back to my horror story… What I found deep in my son’s backpack wasn’t just gross; it was repulsive.

First, in a random jacket pocket, I discovered a small pile of rocks. Now, this wasn’t terrible, but where did these rocks come from? My son has been collecting rocks at school… every year we talk about “why rocks?” and “what are you going to do with them?” and “why these rocks?” These conversations go on forever with little more than a “because” as an answer. To this day, I have no idea why my son loves pebbles, rocks, and small chunks of pavement. All I know is they make his backpack heavy and take up way too much space. Do other kids collect this many rocks?

Next, I found a bunch of crumpled paper. At the bottom of the bag was a whole pile of wrinkled, flattened sheets of paper. They had accumulated into a full-on paper speed bump where other items were hidden. I pulled each one out, flattened them, stacked them into a pile, and organized them. Most were graded assignments being sent back, but I also found an overdue birthday invitation (I immediately texted the parent an apology), a few drawings of ninja boys, and a heart-shaped drawing by a girl my son had written “annoying” about.

Then came the lunch items… old plastic forks, oatmeal bar wrappers, and a few almost-empty Tupperware containers I had been desperately looking for for months (one of which had a tiny pom-pom inside that I think was supposed to be a strawberry). Now, before you roll your eyes and criticize me, think about it: “Oh, come on, how did you not notice the missing lunchboxes?!” It’s simple: I have 42 different containers for packing our one-time lunches, and some have fallen into gaps. They got buried under the pile of wrinkled papers in my son’s backpack. Not my fault. That’s how it goes.

Why So Many Raisins?

Maybe the most disturbing thing I found in his backpack was raisins. Boxes and boxes of raisins, and bulk ones too, scattered all over the bottom. I was stunned, pulling raisin after raisin out. Why, son? Why so many raisins? Well, it seems my son and his friend (whose name rhymes with “raisin”) decided to form a pretend company. So when raisins were handed out as snacks at school, they started hoarding boxes and boxes of them. So, if your son’s name rhymes with “raisin,” you might want to check his backpack too. Short public service announcement: raisins don’t rot, dry out, or harden. Nope, they turn into sticky, disgusting balls of goo.

I hesitated to check the smaller pockets of his backpack next. For reference: kids’ backpacks have a lot of compartments, small pouches, and sections. Check those—it’s always the smallest ones that hold the weirdest stuff. Fortunately, this search only turned up some odd items: broken pencil erasers, pen springs, and random scraps of paper. I found a sticky red wax ball, full of crumbs, lint, and sand (the kind that wraps around mini round cheeses… which I never bought for him, but that’s another story). I also found two fidget spinners, a Jolly Rancher, a slap bracelet, and a bunch of assorted colored pencils.

If You Need More Motivation

After cleaning out the entire bag, I took it outside and gave it a good shake. I found three paper clips, a marker cap, and a dime. Then I threw it in the washing machine for a cycle, hung it out to dry, and sprayed it with Febreze. I sprayed it again. Then one more time. You should do that too. You know, according to USA Today, the bacteria count on your kid’s backpack is 31 times higher than that on your phone, and 28 times higher than a toilet seat?! I should’ve used that as motivation to clean it. If that doesn’t motivate you to clean it out, I honestly don’t know what will.