How to Wean a Stubborn Baby

My 18-month-old can ride a balance bike and operate the TV remote, but still feeds as frequently as a newborn and is as agile as an Olympic gymnast.

Weaning my first child was easy. When he was 16 months old, I caught a stomach virus at daycare, spent two days miserably clutching the toilet, and when I finally recovered, pale and trembling, I found that my son had already switched to a bottle instead of nursing.

My youngest, however, hasn’t been so easy. Now at 18 months, he can ride a balance bike and operate the remote control, but still nurses with the frequency of a newborn, moving with the dexterity of a gymnast.

“So… do you think you’ll stop breastfeeding soon?” relatives ask when they see my child rolling across my torso, grabbing my now 4-inch-long nipple with his teeth.

“No. I love this gentle bonding,” I reply coldly, even as he kicks me in the face.

For breastfeeding parents, when and how to wean often depends on personal preferences, financial circumstances, environment, fate, and whether the child is willing to give up breastfeeding. Some babies will easily transition to bottles or sippy cups as if the months of breastfeeding and bonding never meant anything to them. Others will spit the milk back at you and rip your clothes off.

There is no “right” time for weaning. The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months and continued breastfeeding for up to two years or beyond. However, many children start daycare between 12 and 18 months, so breastfeeding naturally decreases in frequency or duration. Sometimes, for various reasons, you simply feel ready to stop, but your child stubbornly continues to nurse.

Don’t despair. When you start imagining what weaning will mean for both you and your child, keep the following six tips in mind.

1. Communication Is Key

Calgary-based lactation consultant Natalie Borden, who is also a certified doula and postpartum midwife, says that waiting until your child is a little older can actually make weaning easier, because you can communicate, set boundaries, and make the process more interactive. Communication is key, whether you are gradually weaning or need to make a sudden change.

Mary Ann Lalonde, a mother from Ottawa, decided it was time to wean her toddler Naomi. She took a gradual approach, starting around Naomi’s first birthday. Instead of nursing four times a day, she gave Naomi a cup of milk before nap time. She spaced out each change by at least two weeks, until only the bedtime nursing remained, which she continued for several months. When it was time to drop the bedtime nursing, she would nurse on only one side and then offer a cup of milk.

“I would say, ‘Do you want some milk?’ and hand her the cup,” Lalonde says. After four nights, she only offered the cup (no breastfeeding). Naomi was fully weaned by 16 months.

At first, Naomi would point to the chair where they used to nurse, as if to say, “No, we nurse right there,” says Lalonde. So, when Naomi drank from the cup, Lalonde would give her lots of hugs and read her stories.

“Now, almost a month later, she doesn’t point to the chair anymore,” says Lalonde.

2. Gradual Weaning If Possible

Borden, the Canadian Paediatric Society (CPS), and La Leche League all recommend a gradual approach, much like Lalonde’s method, to ensure a smoother transition for both the child and the parent. You can start by limiting nursing to specific locations or times.

She also suggests you can take your child on a walk or play with them during nursing times to distract them. Start by dropping the least desirable feedings, typically daytime ones (rather than bedtime), Borden advises.

However, despite most experts recommending a gradual approach, this isn’t always feasible or desirable. Some parents resort to more drastic measures, such as using band-aids on their nipples and explaining to the child that they have a “sore” and can’t nurse.

Communicating with your child (explaining your pain) can make this sudden method possible, but be sure to care for your breasts, watching for swelling or blocked ducts, and expressing milk if discomfort arises.

Borden says that while every breastfeeding experience is unique, a sudden weaning approach can lead to feelings of depression and the risk of engorgement or mastitis (a breast infection).

“Just because we’ve decided to stop offering milk doesn’t mean our bodies know that,” she explains.

Some parents may reduce daytime feedings after returning to work, but plan to continue breastfeeding in the morning or at night (also called partial weaning). Daytime pumping can help relieve breast discomfort during this time and maintain milk production for nighttime feedings.

3. Don’t Offer, But Don’t Refuse

Borden says the simplest and gentlest weaning method is “don’t offer, but don’t refuse.” For example, if you usually nurse in a rocking chair, try avoiding that corner of the house so your child isn’t tempted. Or, if possible, let a non-breastfeeding partner or caregiver put them to sleep or settle them for a nap for about a week.

If you’ve been actively offering breastfeeding at specific times (such as saying “It’s time to nurse!” rather than waiting for them to ask), then stop offering. Your child may surprise you and not even notice! If they do ask to nurse, try distracting them with activities, walks, or snacks.

If your child is used to nursing to fall asleep or always wants milk before naps, the “don’t refuse” part can be tricky. If you plan to try a bottle or sippy cup, the CPS recommends letting a non-breastfeeding partner offer it, while also providing plenty of hugs and comfort, and be mindful of the subtle cues you may inadvertently send your baby.

If your baby or toddler relies on breastfeeding to fall asleep or resettle during the night, you may need to consider a gentle sleep training method before weaning.

4. Reduce Physical Activity

Some experts suggest that breastfeeding parents stop wearing nursing bras and tops with slits or openings—a gradual approach that works well when combined with other methods. Borden agrees and adds that, when weaning, she sometimes wears turtlenecks or layers of clothing. “If they can see my neck or chest, it’s like an open invitation.”

You might have heard other breastfeeding parents talk about taking a long weekend trip to completely wean their baby or toddler, but experts generally recommend a more gradual approach unless most of the breastfeeding has already been cut off. Additionally, when you return home, your baby might just want to start nursing again, and you’ll be back at square one.

5. Shorten Your Nursing Sessions

Another option is to shorten your nursing sessions by stopping after one or two minutes. Borden explains that this will also reduce your milk supply over time, making breastfeeding less appealing to your toddler.

As your milk supply gradually decreases, you may find that your child begins to prefer the bottle or sippy cup instead.

6. You Can Say “No”

If breastfeeding has become a negative experience for you, remember that when your child asks to nurse, you can say “No.” In fact, some parents find that setting boundaries and limits in the nursing relationship increases their enjoyment of breastfeeding, Borden says. “When they’re 18 months old, you don’t have to accept every request for nursing,” she says.

Caring for a toddler can be physically exhausting. They twist, turn, demand, and whine, and eventually figure out how to unhook your nursing bra (is it just me?). But breastfeeding doesn’t have to be all-or-nothing. If you want to continue, setting rules and limits can help shift the power dynamic and put you back in control. (And if you don’t want to continue, that’s okay too.)

My 18-month-old will soon be starting daycare, so when he runs toward our nursing chair, I’ll start saying “No,” shouting “No! No! No!” at any time of day. But in the evening, when he smells of baby lotion and his hair is still wet, I’ll hold him close, watching him nurse. I cherish this precious time, knowing it won’t last forever, and when he somehow flips himself upside down while still sucking on my nipple, I thank God for these moments.