Permissive Parenting: Characteristics, Effects, and Insights

To help you understand permissive parenting, we consulted five experts who shared their insights, criticisms, and alternative parenting strategies worth considering.

Unlike other parenting styles, permissive parenting is more laid-back. Parents focus on being friends with their children rather than strict authority figures. As a result, children raised by permissive parents tend to be confident, socially skilled, and have high self-esteem.

However, this parenting style also has its drawbacks. Permissive parents often lack boundaries and discipline, and children raised in such an environment may struggle with self-control, following rules, and even performing well academically.

Despite these challenges, there are ways to improve permissive parenting. To help you navigate this, we consulted five experts who shared their insights, critiques, and alternatives to consider.

Characteristics of Permissive Parenting

Melissa Tract, LCSW, a practicing therapist, defines permissive parenting as having few strict rules and expectations but a high degree of warmth and responsiveness.

She explained to Today’s Parent, “Parents who adopt this style are often very responsive to their children and their needs but fail to set limits and rarely enforce discipline.”

Tract further explained that another key feature of permissive parenting is the abundant freedom parents give their children. “Permissive parents may allow many things that other parents would not, and they rarely say no. In this parenting style, parents often appear to take a hands-off approach to their child’s behavior.”

Parent-Child Relationship Dynamics

Compared to other parenting styles, the parent-child relationship in permissive parenting often has unique characteristics. Parents don’t control everything, and children wield a considerable amount of power.

According to Tract, “Because parents want to be closer to their children and become their ‘friends,’ they go out of their way to avoid upsetting them or causing them distress. As a result, they show warmth, affection, and tolerance even when it may not be necessary.”

However, giving children this level of freedom can have consequences. Tract continued, “Children soon realize they can act freely without facing consequences, say whatever they like whenever they like, and make choices for themselves—even if they aren’t fully prepared to do so. If a permissive parent does try to intervene, they may find it difficult to set boundaries or rules.”

Discipline and Rule Enforcement

Permissive parents tend to take a more hands-off approach to discipline. Tract explained to Today’s Parent, “They are reluctant to impose consequences or punishments because they fear it might upset the child and damage the ‘friend-like’ relationship they wish to maintain.”

However, the lack of consistent discipline can have negative effects. Tract added, “Children raised by permissive parents may become entitled, thinking that many behaviors are ‘acceptable,’ but will eventually find that this mindset doesn’t work well in the real world. Moreover, the lack of clear boundaries and inconsistent discipline can lead to increased feelings of depression and anxiety. This confusion and uncertainty can affect how they relate to people outside of their family and friends.”

Effects of Permissive Parenting

Permissive parenting can have both positive and negative effects on children. While showing warmth and acceptance can lead to positive outcomes, licensed clinical professional counselor and registered play therapist supervisor Jessica Bloom (LCPC, RPT-S) notes that this parenting style is also associated with increased behavioral problems in children.

As Bloom explained to Today’s Parent, “Children of permissive parents may exhibit disruptive and aggressive behavior because they haven’t been given proper boundaries and limits. They may also become overly dependent on their parents or on things like TV and video games to self-soothe when they are upset. But this can make it difficult for them to calm down or find healthy ways to manage their issues.”

Some studies also show that children raised by permissive parents have higher rates of misbehavior in school. Rachel Goldberg, MS, LMFT, explained, “Research has shown mixed results in the correlation between permissive parenting and school misbehavior. Part of the reason for this is that permissive parents often vacillate between different parenting styles, or hover somewhere in between. That said, some studies do show a modest correlation.”

Moreover, compared to children raised in authoritative or authoritarian households, those raised by permissive parents may be at a slightly higher risk for substance abuse issues. Goldberg said, “Because permissive parents are characterized by leniency and lack of structure, it increases the likelihood of adolescents engaging in drinking, which can lead to dependency or hanging out with peers who use substances, potentially resulting in negative consequences.”

Cultural and Historical Context

While society and culture play a role in shaping parenting styles, Bloom believes that the recent shift toward more permissive parenting has been largely due to rapid technological advancements and increased access to technology for children and teens, rather than any significant shift in parental attitudes.

Criticisms and Controversies

According to Bloom, one of the main criticisms of permissive parenting is that it leads to unhealthy dependency in children.

As Bloom explained to Today’s Parent, “If parents are always rescuing their children and never giving them the opportunity to learn how to endure discomfort or handle challenges on their own, the children become dependent. This over-dependence on parents can hinder the development of the skills and resilience children need to face challenges independently.”

Research also indicates that indulgence can lead to poor academic performance. “Studies show a negative correlation between indulgence and school performance and achievement,” Bloom said. “Research tends to focus on the consequences during childhood rather than the early years of adulthood.”