Why I’m Not Ready to Wean My 4.5 and 2.5-Year-Olds Anytime Soon

When it comes to breastfeeding, I believe my children should be the ones to decide when to stop. In our home, I’ve let them guide the process—it’s been a personal journey, one that’s shaped not just my motherhood but our bond as well.

The Beginning: A Rocky Start

Before my first child was born, I read three books about breastfeeding. I graduated from college five months into my pregnancy, and for the next few months, I turned motherhood into my full-time study. I thought I was ready, confident even, to face this new chapter. But once I gave birth, I was shocked by how awkward and painful breastfeeding felt. All the advice I’d read seemed to evaporate in the face of reality.

Though I knew breastfeeding wouldn’t harm me, it was still uncomfortable, and I didn’t remember what to do. The early days were tough. Every time my little one latched on, I found myself cursing. The pain, the exhaustion—it was overwhelming. But as time went on, things slowly became easier. Practice, patience, and support from a lactation consultant helped me gain confidence.

Breastfeeding Becomes Instinctive

Before long, I stopped worrying about whether she was getting enough milk. Her growing belly, the satisfied look in her eyes after feeding, and the milk dripping from her mouth told me everything I needed to know. Breastfeeding became instinctive. I didn’t need to think—it was a reflex, a way of responding to her needs without even looking for cues.

Breastfeeding turned into my superpower. Whether she was tired or upset, sick or teething—my breasts were a soothing balm. Over time, I saw how it was more than just nutrition; it was comfort. It was security.

Why I Kept Breastfeeding: It Worked for Us

While many people praise the health benefits of extended breastfeeding, that’s not the main reason I’ve continued breastfeeding. The truth is, it works for us. It’s simple. It’s comforting. I didn’t feel the need to rush weaning when she started eating solid foods, when she turned one, or even after I was pregnant with her little sister. Breastfeeding continued to meet her emotional needs as much as her physical ones. And, honestly, I didn’t want to take that comfort away from her.

Navigating Pregnancy and Breastfeeding

When I became pregnant with her sister, I faced challenges. In my first trimester, I struggled with perinatal anxiety, and someone suggested I wean my toddler to reduce stress. I couldn’t bear the thought of it. Breastfeeding had become my anchor, something only I could offer to my daughter. While I waited for my antidepressants to kick in, nursing was the one thing that felt right.

As my pregnancy progressed, my milk supply dwindled, and breastfeeding became painful again. Yet, she still wanted to nurse, even if it was just for comfort. The discomfort sometimes made me cringe, but it felt more manageable than the pressure to wean her prematurely. The calm moments we shared together were worth it.

The Arrival of Baby Sister and Tandem Nursing

When I gave birth to her sister, it felt so natural to have them both breastfeeding at the same time. My toddler was thrilled to nurse, even though I was still producing colostrum. It was a smooth transition for her—nursing was never something she had to “give up.” As my newborn started to feed more actively, I explained to my toddler that she had to share the breast. I was amazed at how easily she adjusted.

Breastfeeding has continued to be a shared experience for my girls. As they’ve grown, I’ve slowly set boundaries. When my oldest daughter turned one and a half, I recognized that she no longer needed breast milk for nutrition. But the comfort of nursing, especially during tough moments, was still a part of our rhythm.

Setting Boundaries and Adjusting to New Routines

At two, both my girls started school, and they gradually adjusted to not breastfeeding during the day. But at night and on weekends, they still nursed. Last year, during lockdown, my three-year-old wanted to nurse all day, but I had to set limits. With the help of a sticker chart, she learned to respect the new boundaries, and we started to establish a balance.

Now, at 2.5 and 4.5 years old, breastfeeding is still a part of their routine. Before school, I nurse them for a few minutes while they watch cartoons, and after school, we do the same. At night, they know that if they wake up, they can still come to me for comfort and a quick nursing session. For me, it’s not about meeting some arbitrary timeline for weaning; it’s about what feels right for us as a family.

Why I Believe in Letting Them Lead the Way

I know some people might think my kids are “too old” for breastfeeding, especially both of them at once. But for us, it’s a natural part of life. Over the years, I’ve connected with many moms who nurse toddlers or preschoolers, and it turns out we’re not as rare as I once thought.

I’m a strong advocate for public breastfeeding because the more we normalize it, the easier it becomes. I’m happy to nurse in parks or malls without any hesitation or shame. To my surprise, I’ve never received negative comments about nursing my preschoolers. And as they get older, their need for comfort nursing has decreased as they explore the world around them.

The Importance of Trusting My Instincts

Of course, I recognize this approach isn’t for everyone. But for me, it’s important to respect my children’s needs and readiness. Breastfeeding has been a bond, a source of nourishment and comfort. I’ve never been driven by the “rules” or what others think is best. It’s about trusting my instincts and respecting my children’s cues.

So when people ask me when I plan to wean, I simply say: “When we’re both ready.” Breastfeeding is a relationship, and this relationship has evolved over nearly five years. We’re not rushing it—it’s a gradual process that will naturally unfold as we’re ready for the next stage.

Conclusion: Weaning is a Journey

Weaning isn’t a one-time event. It’s a journey, one that begins when solid foods are introduced and gradually ends when both mother and child are ready to let go of breastfeeding. And that moment, whenever it comes, will feel just as natural as the rest of our journey together.