What It Feels Like to Hear “Breastfeeding is Best” When You Don’t Have Breasts

From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I was bombarded by an overwhelming message: if you’re a good mom, you should breastfeed your baby. Everywhere I turned, whether in healthcare pamphlets, social media groups, or baby care workshops, this idea was reinforced. As a woman who had undergone a double mastectomy at 28 after being diagnosed with breast cancer, I found myself confronted with the painful truth that breastfeeding was simply not an option for me.

The Reality of Motherhood After a Mastectomy

Just hours after giving birth, I sat beside my newborn, holding a bottle of formula in my hand. A nurse approached and asked, “Have you tried breastfeeding?”

“I can’t,” I replied, “It’s in my medical records.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, a tone of disbelief in her voice.

“Yes, I’m sure,” I answered, then changed the subject, asking how much formula I should give my baby. The nurse reluctantly provided guidance, though her hesitation made me feel like I was breaking some unspoken rule.

At 28, I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. After months of treatments, surgeries, and recovery, I lost my breasts, a decision I made in order to save my life. But little did I know, the loss would carry with it an unexpected emotional burden: the societal pressure to breastfeed.

The Pressure to Breastfeed

From my first prenatal visit, I was overwhelmed by messages promoting the benefits of breastfeeding. I received countless brochures and pamphlets, all warning that formula feeding would result in a malnourished, intellectually inferior child. On websites for formula companies, government warnings made me feel like buying a can of formula was akin to feeding my baby a pack of cigarettes. At childbirth preparation classes, I opted out, knowing that holding a plastic baby doll to a fake breast would make me feel like an imposter in a secret mission.

After my son was born, the pressure didn’t let up. I joined parenting groups and Facebook communities, where the topic of breastfeeding seemed omnipresent. Conversations often revolved around breast pumps, nursing bras, and the painful realities of mastitis. In every waiting room I sat in, posters proudly declared the benefits of exclusive breastfeeding, often with a subtle, but unmistakable, judgment against formula feeding. No matter where I went, the message was clear: If you are a good mother, you will breastfeed your child.

My Simple Solution: Bottle-Feeding

For me, the solution was simple: I didn’t have breasts. While some women struggle with breastfeeding due to physical or emotional challenges, I knew from the beginning that I would be a bottle-feeding mom. And honestly, I was okay with that. Given that my mastectomy was necessary to save my life, I didn’t feel devastated by my inability to breastfeed. In an ideal world, I would have had the option, but I was grateful to have a healthy baby.

I wish there had been more support for mothers like me. While there’s an abundance of information and resources about breastfeeding, there is very little guidance for formula-feeding mothers. I received no advice on how to safely prepare formula, which brand to use, or how much to give. Perhaps healthcare professionals were hesitant to recommend formula, or maybe they simply weren’t trained in this area. Regardless, it left me to navigate this unknown territory on my own.

The Realities of Formula Feeding

I spent hours researching formula types, recommended dosages, and feeding schedules. When I reached out to the hospital about providing formula, I was passed from department to department, as though no one had ever been in my shoes. Every day felt like an endless cycle of cleaning and sterilizing bottles. I envied the other moms who could simply whip out a bottle and solve their baby’s crying in an instant. I even reached out to a formula company, hoping they would send me free samples, but alas, my cancer diagnosis didn’t seem to qualify me for any special treatment.

The Benefits of Bottle-Feeding

Now, as my son approaches his 20th month, I can see the benefits of bottle-feeding. It allows other family members, especially my husband, to bond with him. My husband lovingly feeds him his nightly bottle, creating a special routine. It also gave me the chance to rest, especially when we hired a night nurse to help care for our baby. Her assistance allowed me to get much-needed sleep, helping me recover from the challenging months of postpartum depression.

Being a new parent is tough enough without adding the stress of breastfeeding difficulties or supply issues. For me, formula feeding has meant one less thing to worry about. I feel lucky to have been able to focus on my baby’s well-being without the added pressure of breastfeeding.

Conclusion: Our Journey as a Family

As I watch my 20-month-old grow—healthy, strong, and thriving—I can’t help but feel proud. Occasionally, I see another mom breastfeeding her baby and wonder if I missed out on some unspoken bond. But then my son looks up at me with those eyes that only a mother can recognize, and I know, without a doubt, that everything is just as it should be. We are doing just fine.